I wanted to write a blog about daylight savings time, as we DO NOT PRACTICE Day Light savings time in St. Martin. This means that on November 6th everyone is going to “fall back” and 2 AM will become 1 AM, but we do not follow this on the island. 2 AM will still be 2 AM.
I intended to write a couple funny stories about how people in the past have arrived for the dive trip at 8:45 AM all ready to go and I tell them that they are an hour late. Then they argue with me that it is actually 7:45 AM and not 8:45 AM, and I have to explain that we don’t practice Day Light Savings Time. That was my intention. Except the stories were going to be witty and funny, both educational and entertaining at the same time.
However, I’m not feeling that right now. I’m not feeling witty or funny at the moment. In fact, I’m feeling really sad.
The reason that I’m feeling so sad is because a really amazing, kind, lovely woman passed away the other day. It was my grandmother who we all affectionately called “Nanna.” Some of you who have been avid blog readers of mine for the last year will remember my blog from early January 2011 about when my Nanna came to visit us in St. Martin. If you need a quick link, here it is. http://www.octopusdiving.com/2011/01/nanna-in-st-martin/ It somehow doesn’t seem possible that under a year ago she was walking down to the bottom of the garden to look out at the Caribbean Sea and now she is gone. Weren’t we just walking up Grand Case boulevard and then having a coffee in town?
She passed away on the 31st of October in England, surrounded by my mother and Uncle. She was 96.
I know a lot of you open my blog and like to escape for a bit into my world. A world of exciting scuba dives, a world where you can walk down the street at 11 AM with a beer and no one bats an eyelid. A world where the ocean is a wonderful turquoise and surprises are at every turn. So, I apologize for not providing that for you today. But right now, my world is grieving.
For those of you that were lucky enough to have met Nanna (everyone called her Nanna, even those that weren’t actually her grandchildren) you will understand our loss. I don’t think that I have fully come to term with it yet, and that is why I am on my way to England, to pay my respects and say goodbye. If that is possible, possible to say goodbye.
And I talk to people and they say things like “she had such a great life.” “She was so loved.” “She isn’t in pain anymore.” “She is in a happier place now.” And I feel angry with my selfishness that I don’t care about that. I just want her back, I don’t want to be in a world where she isn’t. It doesn’t seem possible.
So, my intention was to write about Day Light Savings, and remind everyone to change their watches and clocks when they arrive to the island next week, but the words aren’t coming out of my fingers that way. It feels disingenuous to write about something trivial when this is going on. And perhaps I shouldn’t share this online, perhaps this is too public a forum to express my sadness, but these are the words that are coming out of me right now, words that say “I’m sad and I just want a hug from my Nanna.” I’ve been meaning to write a blog since Monday, but I just kept writing something and then deleting it. I can’t seem to write anything until I write about this.
Hopefully Chris and I have created a diving center that when you visit, your know that we are real people, real people who work hard and have followed their dreams. And I’m sure that lots of you have suffered from loss and great anguish, and I know I’m not the only one. I know that life goes on, and although it feels like the world should stop turning (if just for a second) and the lights should all dim, and the birds should stop singing, and everyone should just be sad, I know that isn’t happening.
So, we go on. We haven’t stopped diving, or answering emails, or taking calls. It is still running smoothly back in St. Martin, just without me for a couple of days.
Perhaps by my writing this is feels like I am telling the world, “We lost something, we lost something really precious. Everyone, take note of that.” And it makes me feel a little better.
OK, okay, I promise to make the next blog a really super funny, entertaining one. Perhaps a good story about Stu, those are always the best. Until then, thanks for your thoughts and kind words, they mean a lot to me.
(A sad Sally wrote this blog )